The Secret Racegoer thinks he knows what your stars foretell
The Secret Racegoer fancies his chances of knowing what your stars foretell – so here is his first and probably last astrology column
Seers of the future, by that we mean astrologers and not Pricewise, haven’t had a great time of it recently. Mind you, come to think of it…
The Derby at Epsom was held behind closed doors so there was an absence of caravans with fortune tellers working from home. Or, if they did make their way to the Surrey Downs, their skills of prediction are open to question.
And the Sunday Times has dispensed with the services of its astrologer, Shelley Von Strunckel. Did she see it coming? We know not.
This, however, has not deterred the Secret Racegoer from gazing into his crystal ball to see what your stars foretell:
Aquarius 28 Jan to 18 Feb
Don’t get your hopes up about your pick in the opener at Haydock as it’s got the highest Racing Post Rating – best to cash out.
Pisces 19 Feb to 19 Mar
Your boss books you on a week-long online CPE seminar – unfortunately, the only dates available coincide with Glorious Goodwood and the Ebor Festival. This will take all your ingenuity for chucking a sicky.
Aries 20 Mar to 18 Apr and Taurus Apr 19 to 19 May
Days and weeks merge into one as lockdown takes hold and racing is suspended, but you will be pleased that Ryan Moore is having his best weeks of the season.
Gemini 20 May to 19 June
Your trainer phones with good news and bad news. You ask to hear the bad news first, which is that your promising hurdler Neptune, which was brought down first time out, was taken out in his next race, whose rider took the wrong course after that, and who then missed an entire season through a setback, has sustained another injury and is not going to be able to race. The good news is that your trainer has found you another horse.
Cancer 20 June to 21 July
Your girlfriend wants you to put money on Nando Parrado in the Coventry Stakes at Royal Ascot as the first time you went out together was to Nando’s in Coventry, but you decide it’s a waste of money. Nando Parrado wins at 150/1 which means your girlfriend will be eating piri piri chicken with someone else.
Leo 22 July to 21 August
Galaxy, Mars and Milky Way are at opposite ends to Toblerone, which means your jockey will put up 2lb overweight.
Virgo 22 August to 21 September
You strike lucky in the syndicate owners group ballot which means you get an owner’s badge to go to Yarmouth to watch your horse run. You drive halfway across the country to Norfolk and arrive just in time to see your horse Jupiter refuse to enter the stalls. Worse, Derek Thompson is the commentator.
Libra 22 September to 21 October
You are in possession of excellent, last-minute information for a tilt at the Jackpot. Just as you go to enter “place bet” on your laptop, the Wi-Fi drops. The information will indeed prove to be excellent.
Scorpio 22 October to 20 November
Just as the stalls open for a 5f race, your horse decides to “take a knee”.
Sagittarius 21 November to 20 December
Now is the time to strike while the iron is hot as Mercury is rising and Pluto is on heat – be bold with your each-way Lucky 15, notwithstanding that Hills will only allow a maximum unit of 2p.
Capricorn 21 December to 20 January
You call The Racing Hub’s premium horoscope line to be told that your lucky racecourse is Folkstone, your lucky bookmaker is Betbright, your lucky betting exchange is Matchbook, your lucky piece of furniture is an occasional table, your lucky charm is a rabbit’s foot, your lucky pet was your rabbit, and your lucky number is stall 14 at Chester. Be lucky in 2021.
Well, that’s it and we never mentioned Uranus once.
